Hi Reader,

Welcome to the first author interview of 2024! I'm so excited to welcome Danette Relic to Word to the Wise.

Danette is a Toronto-based artist, author, and coach, married to herself since 2001. She's the creator of Self Love Colouring Club, the Birthday Letter Ritual Guidebook, the Art of Self Marriage, and the Soft Shoulder Podcast. Danette is also the author of a soon-to-be-released book called Crash Bloom!

You can learn more about Danette's work on her website, and be sure to give her podcast a listen!

Your forthcoming book is called Crash Bloom, and it’s been a longer-term project! What was the journey from having the idea to having the finished book in your hands?

I started the book 12 years ago. At the time, I didn’t think I had a book idea. I was going through a breakup, and I love books for helping with everything. If I’m going through something in my life, I go to the self-help section. There was something about the moment of that breakup when I was going to the bookstore, crying on the carpet, and looking for the book that was going to help me. And I couldn’t find it.

I took all these feelings and thought, “Well, okay, I could write this.” I was very clear about what I wanted to see written, but I still wasn’t thinking it was a book. I thought it was one blog post. Then it became a blog post series, and then I had this list of future blog posts.

I started thinking maybe the series could be a zine, and I could use it as practice for a book I wanted to write about self-marriage. But then it just kept expanding. I’d go on writing retreats, and I just kept coming up with more chapter titles. I was so excited by the material.

And then I fell in love and it was boring to write about my old breakup, so I put it down.

Then there was another breakup, and I picked it back up again. After that breakup, it was so interesting to go back to the material and ask whether it was helpful or not, see how I’d matured as a writer. There were some parts that I was like, “Oh, that’s a journal entry, not a chapter.”

On Valentine’s Day 2018, I was at an open mic night at this little writing studio, reading a chapter from it. I’m a coach, and I’ve heard that if you have a goal, announce it, and then you’ll hold yourself accountable. I always hated that, but on that night, I decided to announce that my book was going to be ready in June.

It was February, so it was really snowy, but that day it had melted and frozen. On the way home, I slipped and smashed my head and got a concussion. It took me years to heal, and I’m a new person now. I don’t know how I made it through. I had the capacity to do some healing work, but writing, reading, and editing were not possible. So, there was another delay.

Now, I am grateful many times over that it took this long. I used to judge myself, but I’m grateful. I needed some distance from it to have the writing be personal but also serve my audience.

What has helped you the most in returning to this project over the years? What kept you committed to the idea?

I'm visual and sensual. At some point, as the project grew, it was just a bunch of documents. It didn't feel like a book. It was like, What am I even doing? This is a pile of stuff on the computer and some random notebooks. I needed a way to remind myself that this was going to be a book, it's going to be on some coffee shop table, and someone is going to put it in their bag, and they're gonna feel it, you know? I really needed that.

I took whatever I had and threw together some random graphics, and I made a dummy copy of the book for myself. I even wrote fake testimonials! It says, “Danette Relic’s highly-anticipated first book has already been devoured and loved and shared and celebrated all over the entire planet, healing hearts and changing lives like it ain’t no thing.” I filled this book with notes and illustrations, and then I carried it around with me. When I went on my writing dates, having a physical book in my hand reminded me that this was real.

Reading schedules and writing rules don't work with my brain. So for me, it was like, how can I make sure that this feels real? And that book helped me come back to it.

Can you describe your writing practice? What was it like to start writing and realize, “Oh, this isn’t a blog post. This isn’t even a blog series. This is a book”?

That's a really good question. I remember that I would make dates with myself to get out of the house because I knew I'd get so distracted at home. I loved writing in coffee shops. The writing process got a lot easier towards the end when I had something to organize because then I could start working backward.

Eventually, I kind of went over a tipping point. I’d been making as much content as possible, and it was random. If I was on a retreat or had some time, I’d pull the project out. But I didn’t have a deadline in mind. I have a lot of friends who are writers, and I was working at a company teaching writing and coaching writing, so the retreats were kind of built-in, which was nice.

Once it got to the point where I had a good list to work from, I booked myself an Airbnb. I put all the titles on Post-Its. I put them all out on the floor and then played with them, like, “Oh, these all belong to some kind of theme.” I had to do it physically. Dividing it that way, I could clearly see seven sections. I was starting to organize. Then I could mark it up. How far along is it? Has it been started? Is it in the draft?

I need to choose and have that hit of interest. What was awesome was having this big menu of things to work from, so all I had to do was show up at the coffee shop. And I could say, “I don’t want to write that really sad piece right now.” I could choose the moment based on my mood.

I think when I set that June deadline, I could see that I could work backward: If I want it done by the end of June, how much do I need to write per week? I would buy myself a special calendar. There are a lot of physical tracking devices that I probably spent more time on than the writing itself. I’d reward myself with little visual stickers just to get things done. I would make games of it as much as possible.

That worked well up until the pandemic. I developed new strategies, but at some point, I had to decide to go and buy a latte because I wasn’t getting anything done working from home. I’d go sit there and trust that if I spent time with the book, it would go at whatever pace it went.

Working with new writers taking on a big project for the first time, they often think they have to start at page one. We don’t have to! I don’t recommend that. Then there’s all the pressure to write a novel in a weekend. You could, but that gets so normalized, and every creative person is different. Depending on your genre, your process, all of it.

Sometimes it takes way longer than you think. What does the book want? Not all books want to be written in a month.

There are so many things like that where we think we “should” be able to do things a certain way. Almost everyone I know is on the neurodivergent spectrum, and we can’t keep comparing ourselves to some particular function that’s only efficient by some standards. I’m not saying no one can write something good quickly. But I think some things need time. Like, you can make pasta sauce quickly. Or you can take all day like my Nonna would, and you taste the difference.

What drew you to the self-publishing route for this book? What's that been like?

At first, my resistance to traditional publishing was fear—like, “I don’t know how to do that,” and not believing in myself. But also, self-publishing was exciting because I knew I could do it on my own time, on my own terms. I’m a creative person, so I thought creating the book that way would be cool.

I took a lot of courses and did research about choosing what kind of publishing you want to use, and I didn’t see any compelling arguments for traditional publishing except in terms of distribution or unless you’re in a very certain percentage of people. I wanted more control. I knew I was going to use my books as part of my work as a coach. I want to hand it out or mail it to people, and to have access to print and handle my own books.

I also thought I would love learning everything. The first book was really about learning because I didn’t think it was going to be that big of a deal. I thought it was going to be this cute little thing.

Every once in a while, I hear people talk about a book deal, and I get a little bit of that stigma about my book “not being real,” but that’s changed over the years. I want to be able to share it in the ways I want to share it. It’s about creative control—and not only do I want that control, but it’s fun for me. It’s neat to be able to create this thing and decide where and how I want to use it in the world.

What advice would you give to another writer, maybe someone who is feeling stuck on a project or feeling the “shoulds” about the type of writing they should be doing?

The thing that’s coming up for me is just: Do what’s fun. The “shoulds” are not going to bring out your best work, and it won’t be fun or fulfilling. Even if you go down the “should” route, there’s a dead end.

If you’re going to write, your voice changes if you’re writing from a place of should versus accessing your enthusiasm, your wisdom, and whatever it is that you as a writer have to offer that no one else can. You’re robbing the world of your true voice when you’re writing from a should.

I always think about it this way, too. If I want to write what’s trending now and I try to write that book, I’m competing against all the other people who are writing the same thing. If that’s not my most exciting, fun project, then people will choose the other books because they’re going to be better.

Another piece of advice, especially for newer writers, is to read these interviews and listen to podcasts. Get as many stories as you can from different writers on their craft!

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I loved having the chance to talk to Danette about her process and her publishing journey. Keep an eye out for her book release!

I'll be back in your inbox in early February to talk more about writing, writing habits, and publishing.